If You’re Unhappy, That’s On You

I heard the queen of personal development, Rachel Hollis, say these words- “If you’re unhappy, that’s on you.”  And it got me thinking about the oh so many times I’ve heard people complaining about their current circumstances, including myself, and then do nothing to change them.  I’m sure you’ve been there too, where you invest all this time into giving someone all this great advice to overcome their situation, but then they don’t take it and continue to carry on with the way things are.  Frustrating, isn’t it?

Well, today that stops. New rule: You are no longer allowed to complain unless you take action.

It sounds easy.  Just do this and that and the situation will be resolved.  Unfortunately, more times than not, the situations at hand are complex and challenging to tackle.  In this article I  am going to talk about ways to start dissolving your discontent.  Taking action doesn’t mean you have to have everything solved overnight, rather that you take the first steps in doing so.  The first steps are the most important, as they are where your confidence and momentum will build.

Get Real With Yourself

Probably the hardest of tasks.  No one wants to take ownership of their part in being unhappy; however, that’s where it all stems from.  You are the CEO of your own life, that means you are in charge of how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way.  This is your time to do some serious analyzations about what you are unhappy about and what you are currently allowing that is feeding that unhappiness. Write it down, talk it out, meditate on it—whatever helps you to truly hear it. Once you’ve done this, you know where you need to start making changes.

Invest Your Time

Write out a schedule of your days for at least a week.  Everything goes on this schedule- where you went, who you talked to, what activities you engaged in, any and everything.  You can even note how you felt during each piece of your day.  At the end of the week, look at your schedule. Where did you invest the majority of your time?  How many activities included something that set your happiness on fire?  How much of your time was spent doing purely what others expected of you but not what you found joy in?

Now that you see your days laid out and can look at it closely, make another list.  This second list should be of the things you LOVE to do. They can be activities of various sizes and durations.  But make a list without overthinking.

Keep this list on hand, and make sure that you are doing at least one of those activities EACH day. Schedule it in just like you would a business meeting. You are obligated to show up and not cancel.  Your happiness should be that much of a priority to you.

Start Disengaging

Another challenging step, but an absolutely necessary one.

It’s time to look at your schedule and see where you were feeling the most discomfort—is it a place, person, obligation?  Now is the time to start shifting some of the negative out as you filter more joy in. Find replacements, end “friendships,” move onto the next. This is the step that takes the most time.  It’s a gradual shift, not a massive one.  You don’t want to get caught overwhelming yourself with too much all at once, because then you won’t be able to adequately feel the rewards of your disengagement.  This is a step to be done with grace and resilience.  It takes strength to leave behind pieces that maybe once made you happy, but no longer serves where you have grown in your life. Therefore, take the action you need to gain closure, and move on with content in knowing you did your best. Not all things will fall away easily, be prepared and know that your happiness always comes first.

Remember, life is too short to be anything but happy.  Love yourself enough to know that you deserve the best of it.  Xo